WHEN YOU SAY “I DO” — PART 1

God’s Design & the Battle for Oneness

Text: 1 Corinthians 7:1–9

SERIES PURPOSE (2 Parts)

Part 1: God’s design for marriage + the battle for unity and intimacy.

Part 2: Marriage is Special — covenant unity (“one flesh”) with Christ as the model (not unrealistic expectations).

TODAY’S BIG IDEA

When you say “I do,” you’re not just saying yes to a person — you’re saying yes to God’s design:

• Marriage is Spiritual

• Marriage is Sexual

• Marriage is Special (preview for next week)

KEY TERMS

Relationship = connection, association, involvement; God created us as relational beings.

Unity = God’s intent in every God-honoring relationship (especially marriage).

OPENING TRUTH

Marriage is a good thing — and singleness is also a good thing. God can be glorified in both seasons.

(Ask the Lord for wisdom to walk faithfully in your season.)

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WISDOM FOR SINGLES: DON’T MARRY A MYTH

(Every married person was once single — marry for the right reasons.)

MYTH #1: “If I get married, I’ll be happy.”

Truth: Marriage won’t make you happy; it will magnify what’s already in you.

• Healthy marriages are built by whole people who are learning joy and contentment in Christ.

MYTH #2: “If I get married, my problems will be solved.”

Truth: Two people with the same unaddressed problems don’t produce solutions — they multiply pressure.

• Example: poor budgeting + poor budgeting = deeper debt + deeper conflict.

MYTH #3: “If I get married, I’ll be a better person.”

Truth: Marriage doesn’t automatically mature you.

• If you’re lazy now, you’ll likely be lazy later — unless you change.

• Become your best BEFORE you ask someone to share life with you.

A HEART-CHECK QUESTION

“Would I want to marry me?”

(If not, let God build you first.)

A BETTER PRAYER

Instead of only praying, “Lord, send me the right person,” pray:

“Lord, make me the right person.”

5 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU SAY “I DO”

1) What is my gift from God right now? (singleness or marriage?)

2) Am I marrying a believer? (If not… STOP.)

3) Are the circumstances right? (Do I have my life in order?)

4) How will marriage affect my service for Christ?

5) Am I prepared to enter this union for life? (Don’t rush.)

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I. THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP: GOD’S ORIGINAL INTENT

Genesis foundation:

• Companionship

• Fruitfulness / carrying on the race

• Mutual help — bringing out the best in one another

WARNING: UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Too many couples marry believing their spouse will meet every need.

Marriage requires mutual giving, growth, and godly alignment.

CHRIST IS THE MODEL (Ephesians 5:21–33)

• Mutual honor and reverence for God

• Christlike love (sacrifice, service, protection)

• Submission = seeking the other’s good, even at personal cost

• Marriage thrives when BOTH spouses put Christ first

TRANSITION LINE

When you say “I do,” you’re saying “Yes” to God’s design — spiritually, sexually, and covenantally.

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II. MARRIAGE IS SPIRITUAL

(Satan attacks unity; protect the marriage altar with prayer, worship, and humility.)

A. AWARENESS: THE HOME IS A TARGET

In 1 Corinthians 7:5, Paul warns that prolonged deprivation can create vulnerability to temptation.

More broadly: the enemy seeks opportunities to weaken the marriage bond.

SCRIPTURE ALERTNESS

1 Peter 5:8 — be sober-minded, watchful; the enemy looks for an opening.

COMMON ENTRY POINTS FOR SPIRITUAL ATTACK

1) Attitudes

• Constant criticism

• Hatred / contempt

• “Smart mouth” / disrespect

(Colossians 4:6 — let your speech be gracious.)

2) Actions

• Cold shoulder / emotional withdrawal

• Ignoring your spouse

• Giving hobbies, interests, or friends priority over your home

• Taking each other for granted

(What you don’t protect, you will eventually lose.)

B. ALLEGIANCE: PUT GOD FIRST TOGETHER

Paul assumes couples will share spiritual pursuits:

• Pray together and for each other

• Worship together

• Keep your relationship with God as the primary relationship

A MYTH TO REJECT: “Happy wife, happy life.”

Better truth: God’s design is a happy COUPLE — mutual love, mutual honor, mutual care.

Any marriage can drift into control, silence, or idolatry when one person becomes the center.

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III. SIX AREAS THAT CAN MAKE OR BREAK INTIMACY

(Use this as an “Intimacy Audit.”)

1) Finances

Risks: excessive debt, spending conflicts, control, poor budgeting.

Audit Question: “Are we budgeting together — or battling silently?”

2) Parenting

Risks: inconsistent boundaries, no couple time, kids’ routines running the home.

Audit Question: “Are we guarding couple time — or only surviving family time?”

3) Friends & Family

Risks: excessive demands, negative influence, interference.

Audit Question: “Do we set healthy boundaries — or let others set our schedule?”

4) Work

Risks: travel, pressure, heavy workload, workaholism, avoidance.

Audit Question: “Is work providing — or stealing presence from our home?”

5) Past Baggage / Attitudes / Bad Habits

Risks: unresolved wounds, control, abuse patterns, negativity, sexual demands, chronic criticism.

Audit Question: “Are we healing with help — or hiding with pride?”

Pastoral Note: If there is harm, you do not have to suffer in silence — reach out for help.

6) Communication

Replace:

• criticism with praise

• accusations with understanding

• talking with listening

• defensiveness with openness

• silence with sharing

Audit Question: “Do we listen to understand — or listen to reload?”

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IV. MARRIAGE IS SEXUAL

(Mutual responsibility, mutual honor, mutual self-control — no manipulation, no neglect.)

1 Corinthians 7 teaches:

• Sexual expression is forbidden outside marriage and commanded within marriage.

• Husband and wife owe one another affection and honor.

• “Do not deprive one another” except by mutual agreement for a spiritual purpose and a limited time,

 then come together again to avoid temptation due to lack of self-control.

CULTURAL BACKGROUND (WHY PAUL ADDRESSED THIS)

The Corinthian culture normalized sexual promiscuity, multiple partners, and temple prostitution.

Conversion required renewed minds and new holy habits.

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THIS WEEK: A SIMPLE RESPONSE PLAN

FOR MARRIED COUPLES (3 MOVES)

1) Pray together for 5 minutes (consistency over perfection).

2) Schedule a 30-minute check-in (finances, parenting, stress, health).

3) Choose one “deprivation killer” to address this week:

  affection, attention, or time.

FOR SINGLES (3 MOVES)

1) Ask: “Am I becoming an asset, not a deficit?”

2) Pursue wise counsel / premarital prep BEFORE engagement.

3) Choose boundaries with clarity and honor (self-control is spiritual strength).

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PRAYER POINTS 

• Lord, restore unity where division has grown.

• Give us humility to repent quickly and forgive fully.

• Strengthen our home against temptation and spiritual attack.

• Teach us to communicate with grace and listen with love.

• Heal wounds from the past and build trust in the present.

• Help singles walk in purpose and preparation, not pressure and fantasy.

NEXT WEEK PREVIEW — PART 2

Marriage is Special: covenant unity (“one flesh”) with Christ as the model — not unrealistic expectations.